Make Stuff Up.

Around our work we typically substitute stuff with another four letter S word. We even had monthly lunches to discuss what stuff was being made up so we could figure out what are the rumors we have to deal with. For you see when we do not have the information we need to address our concerns, we make stuff up.

Don Miguel Ruiz in his book The Four Agreements says that the human mind needs to fill in the gaps with information on any issue. If we don’t have the facts, we fill in what we believe are the facts based on past experience. The problem is we are usually wrong. We are usually wrong about 95 percent of the time!

When we make the assumption that the data we supplied is correct, we create a belief around our assumption. No matter how much evidence is given to us afterwards to clear up our assumption, we hold fast and hard to the belief we created. The voices in our head cannot hear the true facts because we have created a belief in our mind and are unwilling to change that belief. We all do it. We all have the voices in our heads filling in the “facts”.

So much so that it can control our mind and emotions and literally change the course of our life, even if for just one moment.

Haven’t you ever said hello to someone and they gave you a funny look or no response? I have and I walked away wondering why they didn’t respond back to me and why the funny look. I then start to fill my mind with reasons why. They don’t like me or they are too good for me, or what the heck is that person’s problem. I then start to create a new relationship with that person based on that one incident. I treat them differently. If they don’t like me, then I certainly don’t like them.

But what if they were deep in thought when I said hello and they did not hear me. That funny look was them coming out of their thoughts trying to figure out what I said. But I don’t consider that because I already figured out the reason why. I had filled in my own facts.

Ruiz has an agreement based around the MSU. It is Don’t Make Assumptions. Sounds pretty basic, but for me so hard to do.

Even though every morning I tell myself not to make assumptions, the voices in my mind take over if I am not alert and paying attention. Ruiz calls these voices the mitote. The thousands of voices in our head telling us we are not good enough or that we cannot do something.

When these voices fill in the gaps of knowledge and we create an assumption, we usually pay a price for it, through our emotions. The living hell. MSU stirs our emotions such that we create a false world for ourselves based on the facts our minds provide.

So how do we not listen to the mitote or make stuff up?

• Well for one thing, we need to be curious. Ask questions. Get data from others so you can come to a conclusion not an assumption. Don’t make assumptions based on what you think. Make conclusions on what you know. Ask questions to get the facts.
• If you have to make an assumption, make it a generous assumption. Assume the other person is doing something good, not bad or against you.

If I had asked the person who gave me the funny look and didn’t say hi back to me what had happened or why the funny look, I might have been told they didn’t hear me because they we deep in thought.  That one question could have changed the course of our lives and changed the relationship we have. But that requires me to be aware of my emotions and be curious or generous with my assumptions. Often something that we would rather avoid.

Make Stuff Up.

Why do we let our inner voices control our lives and guide us down so many wrong paths?

Why can’t we just ask more questions, be curious and be more generous with our thoughts?

Because it is hard work and takes practice. But mostly it takes awareness. Awareness of our emotions and why do I feel or think this way. Is there another point of view?

I joke with my wife a lot about the voices in our heads. She often takes a left turn on me in a conversation by changing directions without warning. Often, I can’t keep up because the voices in my mind are too busy talking about what we just talked about and not paying attention to the left turn she takes. I have to remind her that it is hard enough for me to listen to her with all of the voices in my head, let alone keeping up with all of her voices too!

So, I make it a point every morning to thank God for another day on this earth and to help me control my emotions and to not make assumptions. It gives me an anchor to at least put the awareness in front of my mind so that when the voices start talking to me, I can listen or I can ignore them. I find it helps me and then when the voices do take control I can at least take a moment to ask myself why.

If you want to control your MSU and are willing to be curious and ask questions rather than assumptions, you may be onto something here!

Allyn Vaughn