How attached are you to your opinions? Does that level of attachment form your life and your relationships in life? For many of us we have certain opinions that we are very attached to and others that we could give or take. But what does the level of attachment do when we interact with others that have opposing viewpoints?

Meriam Webster defines opinion as “a belief stronger than impression and less strong than positive knowledge.” Or “a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter.” We often form our opinions from past experiences by making assumptions of what we believe to be true.

But the fact is, they are just our opinions or our beliefs. The way we look at things.

So, what does the attachment to my opinion have to do with how I form my life or the relationships in my life? Well for one, they can decide who you will be your friends, your spouse, where you will work and how well you get along with those you live and work with. It is human nature to be surrounded by those who share similar values and beliefs. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be surrounded by those who share similar beliefs. It is how we form communities. It is integral to human life. Our need for social interaction.

But rarely do we hold the exact same beliefs as others.

So, if my belief is so strong that I am unwilling to accept opposing opinions from others, then my level of attachment can be unhealthy.

It may prevent me from learning more, from getting along with others or worse, being able to function in society or at work. Don Miguel Ruiz, Jr wrote a book on the Five Levels of Attachment that provides a good explanation of what can happen if we hold them too strongly.

He describes these five levels in the example of a football (soccer) fan. The first level, Authentic Self, can watch a game of football played by kids in an empty dirt lot kicking a can for the ball and enjoy the game not knowing who is who or really caring about the outcome. He just enjoys the game so much that watching any form of it is enough satisfaction for him. To the extreme, level five is Fanaticism, where the fan is so thoroughly attached to the sport that he has his favorite team, wears their jersey at every game and totally dislikes anyone who is not a fan of his team. If his team wins, he is happy. If his team loses, it ruins his day, his week, his life. His level of attachment controls his life and how he interacts with others. In the latter example, this is where your level of attachment can be unhealthy.

Your attachment is so strong that it has taken control of a portion of your life.

As a leader at work it is my responsibility to deliver results. I need my team to be highly functioning and deliver consistently. I also believe that my team should be a cross-section of the skills I need to have a successful team. In other words, I need many skill sets and I find it nearly impossible to find teammates that hold all of the skills individually. I need to fill one’s liabilities, with someone else’s assets if I am to create a successful team.

I also want people with opposing viewpoints so the team can look at issues from different angles. I believe that gives us better outcomes.

So when I find someone who is so attached to their belief that all they want to do is prove to me or others their point of view is the only one, it frustrates me. I need people that can express their point of view and be willing to openly discuss opposing views. To be challenged. In fact, at work, we often use the phrase “I’m going to challenge you on that.” It signals to the other person that I respect your opinion but listen to a different one. Bo open to other points of view. But when I find someone that is so locked to their opinion it becomes a detriment to the team. If they are unwilling or unable to be open minded, they can change the entire dynamics of the team.

Now for one, I find myself often falling into the trap of being too attached to my opinions.  Trying to prove myself rather than trying to improve myself.

My wife points this out to me all the time when we have a conversation that is heading that way. At first, I try to convince her that she is wrong, but eventually I get around to the fact that she is just as right as I am. We just share opposing views. When the conversation finally gets there, we have a very good one. I just need to speed up the timing to be more effective.

So how do you avoid the trap of becoming too attached? The first step is to increase your level of self-awareness.

Take stock of your emotions when you are discussing opposing viewpoints and stop talking and listen. Listen to the opposing viewpoint, but also listen to your thoughts. Is your inner voice creating the next argument or is it hearing other options given from the opposing viewpoint? The key is to be aware of your emotions so that you do not fall into the I am right trap.

From a leadership and a personal development standpoint, it is essential to be exposed to opposing viewpoints. It stimulates your mind and exposes you to knowledge that you may not otherwise gain. So be open, be curious and don’t be too attached to your opinions or beliefs. You might surprise yourself on what you can learn. You may even be onto something here!

 

Allyn Vaughn

 

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