Have you ever been so upset with something or someone that you just can’t control yourself?  You overreact and get very emotional over the situation and can’t seem to calm down for a long time?  Has that ever happened at work?  If so, you probably got hijacked.

It’s likely you had an Amygdala Hijack.

Daniel Goleman coined the phrase back in 1996 in his book Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.  It happens when the amygdala part of the brain takes over and shutdowns other parts of your brain.

The amygdala is the part of the brain responsible for emotional reaction.  It is in the core of the brain and controls the “flight or fight” response to a highly emotional reaction.  When your body senses danger, the amygdala kicks in and determines whether the body needs to fight or flee to survive.  It floods chemicals, adrenaline and cortisol, throughout the body which can bring blood back to the core of the body to protect it from a fight, or aid in the flight.

The amygdala also shuts off the neo-cortex portion of the brain, which is responsible for logical thinking and sensory perception.  So, under a hijack, you react to the emotions you feel and you stop using your brain to think logically.  It makes it difficult to use intelligence and reasoning.  Sound familiar?

When the adrenaline and cortisol are sent through the body, they affect the way your body functions and while that may be good for survival, it isn’t good if you just got ticked off at someone or something.  You see these chemicals take time to work their way through and out of your body.  Sometimes it can take hours to work their way out to where you are functioning normally again. That means you will likely not be able to think logically for quite a while.  Sound familiar?

The body needs the amygdala.  It can save your life.  But it can also ruin your whole day if you let it. 

And it can also impact your effectiveness as a leader it you don’t learn how to control it.  You see the amygdala reacts quicker than the neo-cortex and if you allow it to respond prematurely, you may impact how you deal with others.  Dealing inappropriately with others, as a leader is not a good sign.

So, how do you learn to control yourself so you do not get hijacked?

There are a lot of ways to do that, including counting, breathing and other things that require focus from the neo-cortex or logical brain.  You can also be constantly aware of your emotions and condition yourself to take account of an emotion to see whether it makes sense to feel this way or not.  The requires you to constantly stalk your emotions.  See if they serve you purpose or not.  If not, then get rid of them.

Another way is to figure out what your trigger is.

Harvey Goldberg, a Vistage speaker, discusses this concept in his work on Mastering Triggers.  Understanding what makes you tick and what ticks you off.  You see each of us responds deeply to a trigger emotion that is who we are, and also what can impact us significantly.  It not only has to do with how people treat us, but also with how we see them treat others.

For me it is respect.  If I feel disrespected I can get very emotional over it.  I tense up and react differently than with other emotions.  I also get triggered when I see someone disrespect someone else.  Like when someone cuts me off on the highway or someone else!

I have shared my trigger word with others at work on our leadership team so they are aware of it and can help me realize I am getting triggered before my amygdala takes over.  They have also shared theirs with me.  Some of my colleagues have integrity, caring, understanding and regard as their triggers.  These may not be the exact words used in Harvey’s work but they are close enough for us to use in our day to day interactions.

When in use among us it is very effective in turning a discussion that is going south to one that can be productive.  If I see that a colleague and I are starting to get sideways in a conversation I may say “You see if you only understood what I am saying” and then they reply “I’d understand better if you respected my thoughts”.  These are said in jest, but the mere mention of our trigger words helps bring us back to our logical minds rather than letting our emotional minds take over.

I remember a conversation I had with some of my associates about a person we were looking to bring on at our company.  I had reservations about the person being able to fit in.  In our conversations, one of my associates said that it feels like this issue might be a respect thing for you.  In the heat of the moment I immediately responded that was not the case at all.

After the meeting I got to thinking about what he said, and went to tell him that I think he was right.  That maybe I was misinterpreting this person’s tenacity as a sign of disrespect.  It brought me to the moment and allowed me to look at it from a different perspective.  It allowed my logical, or neo-cortex portion of the brain to take control of my emotions, rather than my amygdala.

Talking about the parts of the brains and how they can control us may be a bit much for some, but finding a way to not let your emotions get the best of you in a difficult conversation is the way to be more effective in your dealings with other people.

Whether it be in a professional or personal relationship, having control of your emotions always works out for the best.  

So, if you want to control your emotions so you can have a more effective conversation or relationship, then you may be onto something here.

 

Allyn Vaughn

 

Photo by jesse orrico on Unsplash