I Forgive You.

Three simple words but something all of us have difficulty in saying. Why? I believe that when someone mistreats us, it stirs deep emotions that are hard to ignore. We are hurt and feel our trust has been broken. Especially when the one that hurts you is close to you. A friend, co-worker or even a spouse.

I heard a close friend of mine talk about forgiveness one Sunday and he said that “With God’s help, we can forgive the unforgiveable.” While Christianity is rooted with the need to forgive, I do not believe forgiveness is for Christians only. I believe forgiveness is a requirement for all of us. But the message is powerful. How can we forgive the unforgivable?

There are really only two good reasons to forgive.

And neither of them have to do with the person you are forgiving. They are for yourself. You need to forgive to:

• Let go of the emotional baggage that is carried around when you cannot forgive someone.
• What doors are you closing, or worse opening, because you cannot forgive someone.

When I think of the times I have not forgiven someone because they hurt me, it devours too much of my energy. I once had a co-worker who would manipulate us so that he got his own way. This heavy load was lifted from my shoulders when he left the company. But I kept having these emotions swell up about the things he did to me. Even in my dreams. I was allowing him to still control my life even though he was not in it anymore! I had to forgive him for myself so I could let that baggage go. Once I did just that, I had much more energy.

Think about all the times your thoughts have been consumed by someone’s perceived mistreatment of you. When you thought of that person I bet it took away from what you really should have been doing. Things much more enjoyable or productive. What if those thoughts and emotions drove you away from the ones you loved? How much time have you lost because you failed to forgive someone for yourself?

The second reason you should forgive someone is because of the doors you are closing or opening because you choose to not forgive. Don’t shut people out of your life just because of something they did.  Give them a chance to continue to be a part of your life by forgiving them.  We all make mistakes.  Give people a chance.

I have parents, in-laws, brothers and close family shut out their brothers, sisters, mothers, fathers for something that was done long ago. Think of all the time that could have been spent being a part of that side of the family. I can’t count the number of doors it closed. Don’t let someone so close to you not be a part of your life anymore because of what they did. I gave up an aunt, uncle and cousins because of that.

Forgiveness is not something that people deserve or is granted because they ask for it. Forgiveness is a gift you give to the person and yourself.

You see most people who need to be forgiven don’t even know they have offended you or that they were wrong. But waiting for someone to ask for your forgiveness will drive you crazy. The gift of forgiveness is needed to free yourself of the emotions that the other person puts on you.  Letting go allows you to grow in much more positive ways.

Now it is important to remember that you don’t have to forget what someone has done to forgive them. In fact it is important to remember. And it is also important to have a real honest conversation about it. Get it out in the air and discuss. You might find that it’s not all the other persons fault. That usually happens to me when I have that conversation. Even though I thought I was perfect, I find out I am not! Funny thing about us humans.

I read a great book from Don Miguel Ruiz about the agreements we make in life. His second agreement is “don’t take things personally”. You cannot control how others feel or think. It’s not worth the time and energy to get worked up about what you think is an injustice. Get over it and live life with positive energy.

He also said that you truly know you have forgiven someone if when you hear their name there is no emotional baggage tied to it anymore.

So ask yourself if you are ready to forgive for your sake. If you are, you may be onto something here!

Allyn Vaughn